Howard's fecal matter disease almost kept him from coming to do the show today. After biting his shit covered finger nail he got a stomach flu, but slept most of it off yesterday, only waking up for the Simple Life and Paris Hilton. I've been sick all week too, but I didn't miss Paris last night either. Good times.

Howard replayed Benjy's new phony phone calls from Monday where he pranked CSpan about 20 times in a row. Just like the now infamous Bill Clinton sex calls, Benjy as a phony phone caller is incredible. He truly found his niche. He is definitely right on the heels of Captain Janks. During the playback, Howard hears that Tom Chiusano totally obliterated one of the clips over the word "bukakke". They played it with no bleeps on Monday. Still funny as hell though.

52 year old former Playboy Playmate Lillian Muller came in to say that she's still hot enough to be in Playboy. I have no clue what this chick looks like, but there's no way in hell she's hot enough for Playboy still. Howard was looking at her calendar and said it's heavily airbrushed, even in the face area. In the calendar she looks 22, in real life she looks the true 52. A good looking 52, but still 52 years old.

Robin said that there's no way she could be in Playboy, but she fired back that she's gonna be doing something in the April issue. Robin said "What, deliver it?"

Howard tried to talk her into at very least a bikini, but she said she doesn't get naked for anything less than $5,000 and she only gets in bikini's for $1,000 or more. Yeah right. Nobody's paying a 52 year old woman $1,000 to get into a bikini while there are 19 year old models out there. She mentioned that she banged Hef and Tom Selleck back in the 70's and 80's when she was really hot. She finally flashed a tiny bit of skin and the guys were kind of impressed with her flat stomach. I guess that's pretty cool, but this chick was annoying as hell.

After the commercial break, a caller called in and mentioned that the Lillian Muller chick was the teacher in the infamous "Hot 4 Teacher" video by Van Halen. That's pretty fucking cool if you ask me. She went from nobody to somebody real quick. Howard apologized for not treating her with enough repect. Howard and Artie started singing and playing air guitar trying to get her to do the famous dance. Of course, she never stopped talking and lost her cool points immediately.

Funnily though, Debbie Schlussel called in right after they kicked Lillian out, Howard said they should bring her back in cause she's less annoying then Debbie and the Jihad.

Bob Schimmel came in to talk about the upcoming sitcom and fill us in on the latest going on in his great family life. He said the show is in the casting stages nd the script should be finished in the next couple weeks. This is one of the first times in a long time he came in without his daughter Jessica. He said she's gonna audition for the part of herself in the sitcom. It'll be funny if she doesn't get the part of playing herself on TV. I personally can't wait for this show. I always thought Bob was hilarious, but then add his weird family life and the fact it's a Stern produced show, it has to be great.

After that, Bob sat in for the news. If you want the news, pick up a paper, i'm not typing that shit out. E-mail us all comments on this column and ideas about others. Later Days. SL

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