Now i'll admit I did watch last years season of American Idol and I
kinda rooted for Kelly Clarkson, but I am extremely happy to say I
didn't watch a single episode of this season's American Queer Idol.
Howard played both of the winners CD's this morning and no matter how
horrendous they both are they'll both sell millions and millions of
copies. Its just so embarassing that America has turned so gay. Do you
think Metallica was more worried about Clay and Ruben on their original
release date of June 10th then all the Napster freaks online? That
would be damn near depressing.

The E! shows Uncensored sounds like the greatest idea they've ever had.
New Year's Rotten Eve, Butt Bongo, and all the others are classics, but
to see all the best E! shows with no blurs is mind-blowing. Jenna
Jameson's million appearances, Tabitha Stevens' many recent episodes,
the Hot Lesbian Sisters, etc., etc. Incredible. Rush those out!

Larry Flynt is the 2nd most important man to my penis. Hugh Hefner is
the King of Poon and Freedom of Speech and Press, but Larry Flynt took
it to another level. To be honest, some of the levels he's gone to in
recent years i'm not the biggest fan of, but the fact he can do it is a
cool thought. All that said, Why would you wanna roast him? He's
handicapped and most importantly he's not a comedian. His entire life
he's been taking jokes, but damn, no need to rub his shortcomings in
his face. Howard's right not to accept that invite.

Guess Who's the Jew? Gotta love Kurt Valdheim Jr. The catagory is faggy
looking singers. Marilyn Manson, Clay Aiken, and Beck. The answer was
the formerly famous artist named Beck. Hasn't had a hit in 10 years.
And to be honest his few couple hits weren't even that great.

A urine test during the show? Why would it have to be before 8:45 in
the morning? That's interesting. But then again, the type of insurance it's
for is pretty interesting in itself. Insurance to pay off the
government so his children get $50 million instead of $30 million. It was very
funny hearing Howard pissing on the air though. They should make a bit
out of that. They had the Pee Olympics way back in the day, I think
they need to bring that back, this was pretty funny. I've given urine
samples before, but i've never had to pour the samples into the tubes myself.
It made for funny radio.

I want a Dr. Phil mug. I don't drink coffee, but that is a great
giveaway item. The ultimate goof! The t-shirt would be cool, but the
boxer shorts are the funniest. Scratch your balls with Dr. Phil's face.

Lap dancing may be banned in Los Angeles??!! WHAT THE FUCK!!?? Its just
a proposed plan, but oh my god! That will be the end of all strip
clubs, period! Artie got it right on the nose, it'll be like going to the zoo.
The proposal will ban all contact between entertainers and patrons and
keep them 6 feet away and on 30 inch platforms, thats insane! I'm at a
loss of words! If there's any petitions out there that I need to sign
send it my way.

Yaqi, from Yaqi's World, is retiring! Wow, I bet there's at least a
dozen people who will be pretty sad over this shocking news. Apparently
he's sick and dying so I guess its pretty sad, but until he dies, he's
still the creepiest guy on the planet. How could he be mad about the
world of tickling being considered porn? The only reason anybody ever
watched those horrible tapes was for the half nude semi-hot chicks that
Yaqi would have strapped down and tied up to a bed so he could tickle
them. It's as softcore as porn gets, but its still porn. A world
mourns, the tickling community loses their King.

A pretty boring and uneventful show by Stern standards.

After this Robin started the news. If you want the news, pick up a
paper, i'm not typing that shit out. E-mail us all comments about this
column and ideas about others. Later days. SL