How fucked up does your head have to be that you'd leave the party of a
lifetime for a shrink appointment? I don't know if that's hilarious or
sad as fuck. God damn I wish I could've been there. Just give me 10
minutes, If not for the girls and great time, just to clown on Jamie
the Virgin and observe these retards would be a priceless experience. We
can only imagine the debauchery. And what kind of a retard gets massages at
a strip club? Full blown oiled up massages. What a waste of time and
money. Leave the toplessness to the females, 'Tards.

Did anybody see Eminem do the Special Ed impression on the MTV Movie
Awards? Very funny. Then I watched the Jimmy Kimmel show, one of the
creators of Crank Yankers, and he said that's one of the greatest
moments in his life. Good times.

I totally agree with Howard, I absolutely love the new Jewel. The music
is still as horrible as ever, but oh my god she's looking hot as fuck.
Those cans are dying to be set free. And who knew the rest of the body
was just as nice, it was hidden under all that flannel and smartness.
It's pretty funny that people listen to her music a little more now
that she's dressing skankier. You gotta love it when a chick will ditch all
their morals and values to sell a couple albums, ie. Christina Skank-ilera.

Doesn't KC know that only queers read that softcore gay porn known as
Men's Health magazines? The biggest homophobe on the planet is
flaunting around in his underwear for a panel of homos. In someones apartment!
One day he's gonna walk onto the set of a snuff film, dumb fag. The Joe
Rogan "Great Ass" sketch was a perfect accompaniment, everyone would
bet the farm that he's been penetrated! Artie summed it all up, "I want you
to make love to the camera, and my name is Camera". KC is Koko from Fame!

Whoa, KC did an amateur version of the movie Deep Throat, disguised as
a college comedy bit! God damn, this is almost as revealing as the
infamous Crazy Cabbie coming out of the closet segment. He said he'd go
to parties holding hands with Buckethead and beat up all the guys that
called them gay. Wow, that's gay! Howard is so right, he needs to see a
shrink, badly! It's almost scary now, but fuckin hilarious!

Artie's right, either Eddie George is the greatest interview or
borderline retarded. Michael Irvin, one of my personal favorite athletes
of all-time, lied that he never payed for sex. He was caught with
whores and coke at least twice. He has his head on straight about marriage
though, either way you're paying for a whore. There's no way Jamie the Virgin
didn't cream his jeans at least 5 times yesterday. He said he had minor accidents,
but that's bullshit. His boxers had to have looked like a crispy Ink Blot test.
And how do you not drink while at a strip club? That seems impossible to me. Like
Peanut Butter... No Jelly, Hamburger... No Helper, or Anal... No Lube.
Unfathomable!

Martha Stewart should do time. If for any reason just for the comedic
value of it for guys like me. She's always looked pretty manly, is
there any doubt she'll become a super bull dyke? Do you think she'll be
someone's bitch though? Whittling dildos out of bars of soap. Good
times.

Ralph is a slimeball. Period. Does anybody out there believe that he
"Didn't" snitch on Howard? That's the exact kind of person he is, slimy
creep that will turn his back on his friends at a drop of a hat.
Whether or not he did it this specific time, I still don't think he's the most
trustworthy person. I don't think anybody will ever understand Howard's
relationship with Ralph. Stern always seemed like a pretty cool dude,
but his choice in friends is very suspect. Ralph Queerella is more then
enough to prove that point.

Kurt Valdheim Jr., Guess Who's the Jew. The girls were Kate Winslet,
Kate Hudson, and Katie Holmes. The guy didn't use his German intuition
very well, he picked Katie Holmes where everybody knows it had to be
Kate Hudson because her mom, that old broad that used to be Goldie
Hawn, is a known jew. Oh well.

I guess times are really tough these days on the Stern Show if Shuli is
the celebrity guest for the Mike Walker Game. I'm not gonna type all
that shit out. If you really need to know what the fake story was, go
to his website and play the game. Fag.

After this, Robin started the news. If you want the news, go pick up a
paper, i'm not typing all that shit out either. E-mail us all comments
about this column and ideas about others. SL